How to help someone find a new normal after losing a loved one

Grief takes so many forms. There’s no “right” way to mourn a loved one. Some want solitude, while others want to be surrounded by friends and family. Some find comfort in happy memories; for others, those memories only deepen the sadness. . Grief doesn’t follow a schedule either. Some may notice their deepest emotions arrive immediately, while others are delayed weeks or months. That’s OK, experts say. Everyone grieves differently.

Grief is never an easy feeling to deal with, but what makes a difference is having supportive caregivers and communities to help them find a new normal. Learning how to cope with the grief is one task, but moving forward can prove to be just as difficult. That is where the support from others and community-based connections can be of assistance Here’s what caregivers need to keep in mind about grief as they support loved ones.

How grief may show up

According to a widely cited study, 46 percent of those who experience loss show those typical grief symptoms, such as yearning or deep sadness, but not an extended depressed feeling. In these cases, regular visits and companionship could be helpful. Even just watching TV together or sharing a meal may be all they need for support. 

Others may experience depression for an extended period. Studies advise that 15 percent of those experiencing grief may fall into ongoing distress even years later. If the bereaved can’t focus on anything but the loss, ceases eating or sleeping, shows extreme anger or guilt, or begins abusing drugs or alcohol; it’s time to step in.

Signs Caregivers Should Watch For

We’ve long heard about the “stages of grief,” a road map from denial to anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, but t experts say grief often doesn’t follow that straight path. It often times ebbs and flows like waves. 

National Institutes of Health advises that Tears, anger or a loss of meaning are all normal feelings. Others may experience numbness, apathy, restlessness and guilt. Physical issues are common too, including appetite loss, exhaustion and brain fog.

When to Seek Additional Help

Sometimes, those mourning need more support than a caregiver alone can provide. It may be time to seek additional support if your loved one is experiencing:

• Long-term, unexplained physical ailments, such as stomach issues or aches and pains

• Inability to function daily, including caring for themselves or eating regularly

• Ongoing feelings of hopelessness or a sense that life has lost meaning

• Withdrawal that deepens instead of eases over time

How Caregivers Can Support a Grieving Loved One

Just being there as a caring presence may be the best way to support a grieving loved one. Regular visits to share a meal, watch a movie together or run an errand can make a big difference, especially after the early outpouring of support fades and other friends and family return to their own routines.

At the same time, don’t shy away from talking about the loss, Harvard Medical School recommends. Name the person who died instead of avoiding the subject and let them know you miss them too.

Instead of offering vague help, offer specific support, such as tackling chores or connecting with a lawyer to help with legal matters.

Finally, Harvard experts recommend offering honest reassurance that their feelings are valid and that grieving takes time.

How to Cope and Rebuild Support Networks

To truly cope with the death of a loved one, it’s important to let the grieving process take its course. “Just get over it” is never the answer. As you support your loved one, encourage them to express their grief in whatever way feels right, such as sharing memories, listening to their favorite music, writing in a journal or finding comfort in their religious traditions. There are also grief support groups that meet in person and online, as well as additional supports available telephonically

If solitude has started to feel isolating, encourage your loved one to check in at their local ArchWell Health center. Centers regularly host events designed to prevent isolation, including everything from chair yoga to art classes, game days and drop-in activities. 

How ArchWell Health’s Care Team Can Help

ArchWell Health provides a full range of support for older adults. Staff know their members well and care about each person that comes for treatment. Primary care physicians, social workers and center staff are all available to provide person-centered care and help connect your loved one to the resources and supports necessary to find their own new normal. Reach out to see how ArchWell Health can help.